I hope you never do
by BananaTeaLeaf
Summary: Was it so horrible to you? It hurts to think that you would find it so. I meant everything I did. Anything with you, always.


Merry New Year! Unfortunately, the new chapter for NLM is going to be awhile. Finals starting soon. After tomorrow, actually. Hahaha. Ughhh. Just wanted to, I don't know, put something up here so you guys know I'm still around...I guess...

This is something i wrote a long time ago though. I like it so I thought... maybe I should post it. But be warned, is not a happy one. :X

If it is alright, let me know what ya think ;)

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"You would have liked that, wouldn't you?"

Her words held so much anger it almost toppled me.

"Pardon? I would have liked what?"

Despite being afraid of her answer I push on, curiosity getting the better of me. At this, her mouth spreaded out into a thin line. Her eyes a certain blaze within them. Tell me, is it wrong if I enjoyed the sight of her temper-riddled countenance? How her intense gaze is on me and me alone? Ahh, I feel so conflicted.

"Me being all flustered and bothered after what you'd done."

What was that exactly? What did I actually do? I know what she might be hinting at but I am not willing to acknowledge.

A moment of panic rises within me.

"It was a mistake. I didn't mean anything behind it."

Words I never wanted to utter. Words that were never suppose to come out of my mouth. I think I'm beginning to feel sick. Was it so horrible to you? It hurts to think that you would find it so. I meant everything I did. Anything with you, always.

"Were you just fooling with me? Even if that was a joke that was too much."

Her voice held less anger and I secretly breathe a sigh of relief. Even if you don't understand, being the receiver to your anger is too much for me to bear despite how much I love your eyes when you are. I can never stand you hating me. Never.

"Yes, I know. For that I am very sorry. Please forgive me?"

I begged her with puppy eyes for good measure. Deep down I had a feeling that she would have forgiven me for anyway but that would have been presumptuous of me. No. She would not forgive me for every single thing. If she really knew? If she really found out? Never would she let me be by her side ever again. It is more evident by how badly she was reacting just moments ago.

"You know I could never stay mad at you."

Your smile. Oh, your pretty little smile. Where were you just moments ago? I hate myself for making you disappear. It's good that I got you back. What would I have done if you didn't come back? You mean too much to me. I shouldn't have done what I did.

Stupid self control, why did you let go?

"That's good to know."

I grin at her. A half grin actually but she would never be able to tell the difference. It's good that you could never tell the different faces I make. If you could I would never be here. You would never let me.

"Okay, so now that we've made up, what do you wanna do?

"Although spending time with you is the highlight of my day, I have a pressing matter for which I have to attend to."

Your smile drops a little and although I hate myself for being the cause of it, I am extremely happy that you care for me so much to be upset at my need to excuse our time together. Again, I am presumptuous. Maybe you are upset because you are bored and I am the only one who can entertain you at the moment. Despite that I would still love to be there but unfortunately I can't. No, I can't be here with you now. I can never show you _this_.

"Oh, that's too bad."

"I will call you when it's over then maybe we can hang out."

"Really? M'kay. I'll be waiting for your call."

You smile again and it almost makes me reluctant to leave. But I have to get this off my chest, I will lose all control if I don't. I'm at my limit. It's weighing me down the longer I hold it in. I wave to you and the moment I leave your sight, I sprint to my apartment.

The door closes behind me and I start. No one will be here. No one ever is. The pathetic me jumps out and I cry and cry till my voice drowns out. I do not know when my legs gave out because the next thing I am aware of I'm sprawled on the floor. I bet my eyes are puffy now. No, I know my eyes are puffy. My throat hurts; parched and craving for some much needed water. But I just sit there. My body begs me to move but all I want to do is just lie there, not caring for the time that will surely pass me by. It hurts to close my eyes. Physically, it stings. Emotionally, it shatters my heart to pieces. The disgust and anger on your face towards me keeps flashing through my mind.

Why?

Why does this happen to me? Everything was going so well. Why did it have to happen?

Why did I have to fall in love?


End file.
